A few months ago, an ex-colleague reached out, looking for advice. He had landed a role at a fast-growing startup, attracted by the excitement of working with a visionary founder. But the reality was far from inspiring.

“The guy screams at us daily,” he said. “He calls people idiots in meetings, mocks them in front of the whole team, and even throws things when he’s frustrated. The turnover is insane, but no one says anything because he’s the founder.

This isn’t an outlier case. Workplace incivility is rising, and it’s costing companies more than they realize.

Why is rudeness increasing?

Incivility isn’t just becoming more frequent – it’s becoming normalized. Several factors are fuelling this trend:

1. The rise of remote work. Virtual meetings and email exchanges strip away the social cues that keep interactions polite. Without face-to-face accountability, it’s easier to fire off a curt message or ignore colleagues altogether.
2. Increased workplace stress. The pressure to perform, coupled with economic uncertainty, has made many workplaces more tense. Overloaded employees and leaders snap more easily.
3. A shift in leadership norms. The “tough boss” archetype, once admired for driving results, has emboldened leaders who mistake fear for respect.
4. Social spillover. Political polarization, online outrage culture, and declining patience in society at large are bleeding into the workplace, making rudeness feel more acceptable.

Christine Porath, a leading researcher on workplace incivility, has spent over 20 years studying this issue. Her findings are stark:

• 98% of employees have experienced incivility at work, and 99% have witnessed it.
• 50% say they are treated rudely at least once a week – double the percentage from 1998.

Many professionals underestimate the impact of workplace rudeness. But research shows it doesn’t just hurt morale – it actively undermines performance, retention, and even a company’s reputation.

The real cost of incivility

Incivility in the workplace has measurable consequences:

• 80% of employees lose work time worrying about an incident.
• 47% intentionally reduce their effort and time at work.
• 66% report a decline in performance.
• 78% say their commitment to the company has weakened.

Even those who only witness rudeness suffer. Seeing a colleague get berated triggers stress responses that lower cognitive function, short-term memory, and problem-solving ability. And customers notice, too – people are less likely to buy from a company perceived as disrespectful, even if they aren’t personally mistreated.

For senior leaders, the cost is even higher. Managers in Fortune 1000 firms spend an average of seven weeks per year dealing with the fallout from workplace incivility. That’s nearly two months of lost productivity just to manage avoidable conflicts.

Where does incivility start?

In other cases, incivility stems from individual employees who are stressed, overworked, or simply unaware of how their behaviour affects others. Regardless of the source, failing to address it turns rudeness into an organizational norm – one that quietly corrodes engagement, trust, and innovation.

Resisting incivility as an individual

When faced with workplace rudeness, most people react in one of three ways: avoiding the offender, confronting them directly, or retaliating. Unfortunately, none of these strategies are particularly effective. Here’s what works instead:

1. Aim to thrive

Research tells us that the most effective way to resist incivility is to start ‘thriving’, a psychological state marked by a sense of vitality and learning. When we thrive, we become far less vulnerable to other people’s negative behaviours. It’s like wearing a shield: the arrows may still hit you and have a slight impact, but you will remain largely unhurt and undistracted. To achieve this state of resilience, Porath recommends a two-pronged approach:

• Enhance cognitive growth. If someone is uncivil to you, it’s okay to feel hurt or annoyed – but only for a limited time. Instead of wallowing in these feelings, which can lower self-esteem and increase helplessness, shift your brain into more productive avenues. Build new neural connections by actively learning and developing yourself. This type of progress creates an upswing of excitement and motivation that can’t be punctured by corrosive workplace interactions.
• Nurture your energy. The drivers of overall wellbeing are also the drivers of thriving. Good sleep, exercise, a healthy diet – these basics help you safeguard your energy, making you more resilient to rudeness. Mindfulness techniques can help you process situations more thoughtfully and keep calm in tough situations. Finally, spending more time in energizing, positive relationships can offset the harm caused by de-energizing, negative relationships.

2. Assume positive intent

Not every abrupt comment or unanswered email is an act of rudeness. That short reply from your colleague? They might be juggling multiple deadlines. The manager who didn’t acknowledge you in the hallway? Maybe they were preoccupied. Before assuming the worst, consider alternative explanations.

3. Use the BIFF approach

When dealing with a consistently rude colleague, try BIFF – Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.

• If someone interrupts, say, “I’d like to finish my thought, and then I’d love to hear your perspective.”
• If they make a snide remark, a simple “Let’s keep things constructive” can set a boundary without escalating tensions.

4. Audit your own behaviour

Become more aware of your own behaviours. How do you respond under stress? Are you quick to dismiss someone’s idea or interrupt during meetings? Sometimes we can come across as rude without realizing it. Reflect regularly and adjust your behaviours.

Creating a culture of civility as a leader

As Porath states in Harvard Business Review:

“The most effective way to reduce the costs of incivility in the workplace is to build a culture that rejects it – to adopt ‘the no asshole rule,’ as Robert Sutton calls it in his best-selling book by that name.”

Here’s how leaders can actively foster a respectful workplace:

1. Define what civility looks like

Don’t assume that everyone has the same understanding of respect. Explicitly define workplace civility with your leadership team. This could include:

• Active listening
• Acknowledging contributions
• Respecting time and boundaries
• Providing constructive feedback instead of personal criticism

2. Model the behaviour you expect

If leaders roll their eyes, interrupt, or belittle team members, no amount of corporate messaging about “culture” will matter. Employees follow actions, not policies.

3. Reinforce civility in hiring and recognition

Highlight civility during hiring and onboarding processes. Be clear about your team’s values, set the right expectations and prioritize candidates who embody civility. Recognize and reward employees who foster collaboration – not just those who deliver results at any cost.

4. Provide communication training

Incivility often stems from poor communication skills. Offer coaching on active listening, constructive feedback, and conflict resolution to help employees navigate workplace tensions more effectively.

5. Hold people accountable

If toxic behaviour goes unaddressed – especially from high performers – it sends a message that rudeness is tolerated. Implement clear reporting mechanisms for employees to flag concerns without fear of retaliation.

A shared responsibility

The data is clear: workplaces that prioritize respect perform better. A culture of civility fosters creativity, productivity, and loyalty – while incivility fuels disengagement and turnover.

Change starts with small, deliberate actions. Each of us has the power to shift workplace culture through the way we interact, communicate, and lead. And when leadership commits to rejecting toxicity, organizations transform – from stressful and divided to engaged and high-performing.